The Voices

A list.

I generally refer to them as the Voices in My Head. You probably have Voices too, you just may call them by different names, maybe you hear your mom’s voice in your head every time you look at new shoes. “And where will you be wearing THOSE?” or maybe you simply do not acknowledge them at all, but they are there.

You may only notice them after the fact, like when you are cleaning your closet and find a pair of really cute but really impractical sandals with 3 inch heels and beading and you wonder “What was I thinking when I bought these? They go with nothing in my wardrobe or in my life actually?”

In my case *I* was not thinking anything.

Vanity was thinking how great I’d look in them & a sundress (that I don’t own) at a pool party (that never happened).
Or maybe you come home from grocery shopping & as you put your purchases away you find a tube of Sun Dried Tomato Paste and you wonder “How the heck did that get in there?” with  sudden flash of  memory of you reaching up to get it off the shelf. “What on earth did I intend to do with it?”

In my case, Chef Foodie had seen an opening, connected the paste with a recipe I once read somewhere , shouted ‘Yeah! Lets make that!” and tossed the paste in the cart before the rest of my brain caught up with “wait…what recipe?…where?…” and had moved on to the Asian sauces & thus distracted me
Or you catch yourself all excited to try something you know you don’t really like to do but *something* inside you thinks this really is the time you need to do that bungee jump being offered at a nearby bridge. And as you get strapped up to jump the normal part of your brain is screaming “What the hell am I thinking???”

I will never be in that situation because I cannot imagine what Voice might think that bungee jumping was a good idea. Thrill Seeking Immortality left town around the time I got pregnant with Havoc & none of the others has tried to carry that torch since.

And of course, we all know Martha and her ways.

Admit it.

You have moments like that too.

These are the main players in my head:

1. Martha – Lately the most frequently heard from Voice in the group. Martha often manages to drag one or more of the others into her projects so she usually succeeds in getting her way. Martha’s reach frequently exceeds my grasp which makes her very frustrating to deal with. I’m not going to be constantly washing cloth table clothes & napkins. I’m much too lazy for that. Yet Martha talked me into buy not 1 set BUT 3!

2. Vanity – Often in cahoots with Martha and at odds with Common Sense. Vanity has watched every single episode of What Not to Wear and taken Stacey & Clintons words to heart. Sadly Vanity also believes I am in possession of a Visa gift card with $5000 on it and a Manhattan lifestyle & is always disappointed to be reminded it’s just $50 and $20 of that has to go to a pair of new shoes for Mayhem. And we’re shopping at JC Pennys.

3. Ambition – Gods above, I hate ambition. I am a lazy so & so. Lazy I tell you! Lazy! And ambition gets in the way of my bonbon eating plans with “Oh you could scrub & seal the whole slate kitchen floor before lunch today” or “You can give everyone handmade gifts for the holidays this year”. “Go on, you want to be the PTO secretary” Ambition lives to make my life difficult.  Ambition & Martha are very buddy buddy these days

4. Common Sense – The voice of the budget & the lifestyle. Common sense knows me very very well (and sounds a bit like my mom). CS steps in when the others get a bit carried away with their delusions of grandeur. “Put the shoes back, it always ends in tears when you buy heels that high” “If you really want your hair highlighted for the love of all that is decent PAY A STYLIST! Don’t buy a box.” “Think about you existing commitments for a second. Just WHEN are you going to be able to BE the PTO secretary. What part of your little free time is going to be lost to that?”

5. Chef Foodie & her side kick Cravings – CF is the voice behind the $30 worth of cheese in my fridge and the 7 bottles of wine in the rack. Cravings is why I go on food binges  – a month of wanting pepperoni rolls, a couple months of needing fried fish, a few weeks making tofu, avocado & edamame salad for lunch nearly every day. Cravings has gone off somewhere lately, leaving the field open on to Chef Foodie and her ‘make a pan sauce & toss in these wild gourmet mushrooms’ plans

6. Ms Erudite –Who doesn’t like my general reading material & is constantly sneaking ‘literature’ into my book bag at the library. MsE doesn’t make it onto the blog because generally I only talk about books I finish. I rarely finish things MsE thinks I *need* to read. MsE forgets that Insomnia has the only vote that counts in my reading material & densely plotted, emotionally draining, very meaningful books do not make the cut. MsE (who sounds like Sister Joan, my sophomore English teacher) makes me feel guilty about that when Common Sense isn’t looking.

7. and of course the Insecurities & their heckling.

How about you? Do you ever find the Voices or different facets of your personality have sometimes taken control of your brain?

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