Chronic Pain

8 years I have lived with this pain in my side, my lower abs as it were.

The lump on the left side of the c-section scar that formed at some point I no longer recall.

I remember discussing it with my old NP on one of my visits. Was it a scheduled gyn exam? A prenatal check up? Post natal? Just a random, “Hey I have this painful lump here” visit? Could be any of them.

8 years *at least* I have lived with this pain I suppose I should say since I cannot remember when it started.

Was it before the lump?

Feels like it’s always been there.

It wasn’t there in college or when we first moved to this area, but that still leaves a span of some 17 years to account for.


That’s been the diagnosis for 8 years now.

The reason behind a pain that lasts all day, every day, for up to 17 days out of every 30.

Except when the latest meds were working.

When the latest meds were working I only had pain maybe 3-4 days out of 30 and just a sore tenderness for another 10-12. I considered those to be ‘pain free’ days because I could wear pants or bend over without yelping. It still hurt, just not as bad & when you are used to bad pain having only tender pain is ‘successful treatment’.

Non prescription pain meds don’t touch the pain & prescription pain meds are habit forming especially in the quantities I would need, so mostly I’ve just lived with the pain, discomfort, tenderness, soreness, or whatever level of unhappiness the endo was causing at the time.

I tried various hormonal based things over the years to control the endo, which controls the pain & they all worked for longer and longer periods of time, but none of them made the pain really go way. And all of them eventually stopped working.

Sort of.

What I & my doc have come to realize is the original endo pain, the pain that took up the whole of the left side of my abdomen at times, has actually faded away to nearly nothing. I’m sore a couple of days a month now & not every month and frankly that is a vast improvement over the cramps I had in my 20s which had nothing to do with endo.

The pain now is all centered on that lump.

It’s entirely probably the only endo I have left is that damned lump.

So today, at 11:30am I am having *insert fancy medical word here* done to have the lump removed. I will be out cold for it, having reconsidered my reconsidering. It should take about an hour. I ought to be home by 3.

The hospital wanted all my estimated costs up front, which I flatly refused to pay because god knows when I would get any refund amount back. I said they could have my $100 co pay and not a dime more until the insurance had settled. They want me to agree to a payment plan. I told them I would be happy to as soon as they had a specific sum owed and not an estimated one.

I told DH to remind me about the hospital wanting all that money up front when I start to get hysterical in pre op. It should annoy me so much it’ll distract me from my fears.

Wish me luck!

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5 comments to Chronic Pain

  • Stacey, sending good luck and healing thoughts your way.

  • Good Luck. Hope the pain of the payment overrides the pain of the pre op ;P ((((hugs))))

  • All the very best wishes from me – I have an op coming up in 10 days myself so you can send me some supportive vibes back (perhaps we could swap scar photos LOL). Mine of course is free … good old NHS here in the UK … I’d hate to think how off-putting it would be if you had to save up to get “fixed”!

  • I do hope that you are now home and recovering from a successful operation. You’ve been so good to put up with so much pain for so long and I really hope that removing the lump will bring you the comfort that you deserve.
    Take care and rest as much as you can.

  • Alison

    I hope that by this time you are home and in recovery mode..take care of you!
    Alison xx