I have to go to the dentist this morning.
It’s to have my tooth ground into shape for a crown.
They are going to stick me with a needle, which I hate. Then they are going to spend a half hour, give or take, drilling off parts of my tooth, which I really really hate. Then I have to sit with my mouth open for an hour or so while they measure & remeasure and fit and refit a temporary crown. My jaw hurts just thinking of it.
And then, the final indignity – I get to pay MORE than my monthly MORTGAGE PAYMENT for the experience.
I’m taking an audio book to listen to but really…a DRILL will be GRINDING OFF parts of my tooth, while in my mouth. NOTHING drowns out that sound.
It’s the tooth way in the back, so the drill will be making that whining whirring an inch from my ear canal. There is no volume high enough to make that sound go away. It vibrates from your tooth right into your skull. It makes your sinuses shake.
The sound itself HURTS, the vibrations hurt. The tooth is mostly filling at this point, that it is what is being reshaped most. Filling can’t feel. But the sound anticipates hurt. Hurt has been connected to the sound too many times in the past 35 or so years since my first filling for me not to be braced against it.
The hurt may never happen, indeed mostly it never does.
But it has happened. Once it happened so spectacularly people from the eye doctor’s across the hall came over to see what the horrific screaming was about.
I can’t forget that incident. A dozen years and several painless procedures later and I still sit with hands gripping the chair arm in mortal terror waiting for it to happen again.
Even when it’s just a cleaning.
No one uses laughing gas around here and when I did see a dentist who used it, it really didn’t do much for me. Sadly, things like that as well as sedatives & muscle relaxers never work as well for me as they are supposed to. My anxiety & adrenaline is too high I suppose. Once the frightening thing is over though they kick in and I drop hard.
I need full sedation No one sedates you around here. I’d have to drive 90 minutes or so to have it, plus the additional cost of it as well as DH taking off work to drive me.
He’d do it. He knows how I get, but I can’t justify it.
This really isn’t that scary a procedure. Worse that a filling but not nearly as bad as a root canal, which was the cause of the horrific screaming incident. I survived it. It was terribly awful at the time, but it was less than an hour of my life.
I have a very nice dentist who has heard my horror stories and understands my phobia and can deal with the death grip I have on her chair and the look of agony on my face while she drills. She knows it isn’t her action that is causing it. She’s funny & makes jokes while she works & sometimes, sometimes I manage to relax a bit.
What I want is for her to say, after she is doing working on me, “That had to be the fastest and easiest crown prep I have ever done”
And then I will go home and have a glass of wine and then lay on the couch & have a Supersizers Go marathon on tv until the boys come home.
Here’s hoping anyway.
ETA – It’s over, it went as well as can be expected. Darned near painless. Unfortunately the appointment was 45 minutes late getting started leaving my as calm as I am likely to get self time to become very very afraid. You know how Anne Bolyen upon being informed that her execution was being delayed a few hours commented something like “Oh and here I thought to be past my pain by now.” ? I thought that after 30 minutes.
Melodrama, I’m good at it, but I try to save it for dentist visits.
The numbness has worn off & the whole right side of my mouth is all kinds of sore, but the horror is over. I survived. In 3 weeks I go back but there is no drilling so nothing much to be afraid of.
That is what I am telling myself.