I wish I could. I need some support, but it’s no longer mostly my story to tell. And since he is no longer a very young child, it’s not really something that I want out on the internet in all it’s detail. It was different when he was very young. Then it was about him, but it was my story too.
Let’s just say I’ve failed as a mother in this area. Failed him in a big way.
I put my wants ahead of his needs & failed to understand that my interpretation of events was not actually what was going on.
I let myself take the path of least resistance and just hoped for the best for a long time.
When I did finally see through my frustration & annoyance to really see what was actually happening I failed to get the help he needed.
I accepted what was I was told & did what I was told, even though things never really got better.
For a long time I just waited. And in between waiting I got frustrated & angry. With him. For not getting better.
I was told it would get better.
I was holding up my end of the deal, doing what I was supposed to, so obviously the problem must be on his end.
He ought to be able to do something about it. He must be doing this out of spite.
I failed to have patience & understanding
And on it went.
Year after year.
They said it could take a couple years to sort this out.
When it lasted longer, I did look for answers, but what I got was variations of the same things I’d already been told.
Wait. Keep doing what you’re doing, it’ll get better eventually.
But it didn’t. And we were all more & more frustrated.
Except him. He seemed to find it funny, which just fueled my frustration with him.
I should have stepped up and demanded better answers. I should have insisted they help us more than they did.
I failed to be the advocate he needed.
Finally, years after this all began, years after it should have ended, now that it is causing new & different problems in other areas, I am at last being the mother I should have been. Insisting on getting more help, as I didn’t insist before
And we are getting different answers this time. We are being told to do different things, with a different timeline.
I don’t know yet if different is better but I feel like I’m being listened to now, being taken more seriously.
Probably some of that is due to his age & how long this has gone on; the situation can’t be brushed off as “Paranoid Mother Syndrome” any more, but I should have insisted on more sooner.
I failed to insist. I failed to step up and demand more help.
I failed a lot. But I’m going to do better from now on.
We start something new in the next couple of days. Something that feels more promising than anything that has gone before. Something that I pray might actually start to make changes in this problem that has seemed so close to hopeless lately.
I can’t give you the specifics, but if you could, in the coming days & weeks, keep our family, their physical, mental & emotional well being, in your thoughts & prayers, I would greatly appreciate it.