Vanity, Martha & Common Sense have an argument

I went shopping at TJ Maxx recently.

I rarely go there because mostly I find clothes that are in my size but ugly or clothes that are cute & the wrong size.

And this time was no different – I found THE CUTEST DRESS!


They only had it in purple in a size 6, which I have not been in..oh…say a decade or so, probably more like two, possibly an entire quarter century, since I regularly forget just how old I actually am & don’t honestly recall ever being a size 6 though I must have been at some point- logically speaking.

Common Sense shook it’s head at the size & wondered where exactly Vanity thought I’d be wearing it if there was a size 10 version.(Common Sense spends a lot of time asking “And where will you be wearing/using THAT?” when I go shopping. I think I have mentioned before that Common Sense sounds like my mom.)

Vanity was drooling over this dress, so much so that I found myself in the dressing room in possession of a dress I suspected would not be able to put on. I doubted I could pull it up over my hips or bring it down over my bust.

Much to my shock and awe it DID come up over my hips

Did I mention I cannot recall the last time a size 6 did that?

And it zipped just fine over my waist!

But then it stopped & no amount of tugging & twisting on my part could budge it.

Defeated by the bewbs!

They had a red version in an 8. It was loose in the waist (an 8! loose in the waist! Oh happy day! If only it reflected weight loss instead of the complete lack of standardized sizing in clothing) and smashed my bewbs flatter than a board once I finally forced the zipper up.

I’m guessing a 10 would have fit the bewbs but would have been way too loose in the waist.

I am generally, depending on the body part you are trying to fit & maker of the clothing, a size 8, 10 or 12, which number applies to which body part depends on the manufacturer. And I must admit, more often than not, size 8 only applies to my feet.

(but I am SO buying Nine West pants from this point forward. Size SIX!)

Had they had a 10 I would have bought it.  I could have altered it a bit to fit. I know how to take things in & frankly it wasn’t noticeable that the 8 was loose, it just *felt* that way. What I cannot do it let things out, unless there was a generous amount of fabric to work with & even then the results are uneven to say the least. This dress did not have any fabric to work with.

Enter Martha & her overreaching plans.

Her idea was to take the dress to a fabric store & find some matching purple fabric  & then to take apart the dress at the sides and add one inch wide strips of the purple to the sides & then, depending on how it looked, add an additional one inch wide strip of fabric to the bottom of the dress to tie it all together.

Really Martha?

Maybe if the dress were a solid color. Common sense was 100% against the idea, thinking that it would be ugly & mess up the straps, leaving me with something else to fix. Vanity really really wanted the dress, really really, but was inclined to agree with common sense. Martha was having none of it. Fine, get black fabric, she suggested. Vanity wavered. Common sense stood firm. And I stood in the dressing room having a 3 way argument in my head for several minutes, while my bewbs were painfully squished by the dress.

Common sense sneakily won vanity to it’s side by totally lying that I’d be able to find it online in the right size & Martha was defeated. Martha also lost out to common sense in the housewares department over new sofa pillows.

Martha struck back with an idea to turn the hallway into a photo wall of Legos and other toys. Which is an excellent idea but will probably suck up the rest of the month putting together.

I did find that dress online. No way was Vanity about to let that promise go. Unfortunately it was $128 at Macy’s or $90 some other place & even vanity isn’t willing to spend that much without a specific event in mind & without trying it on to see just where it does & does not fit. If there were a Macy’s within a 45 minute drive I would have gone there & tried on the 10 & probably bought the dress.

It was $40 at TJMaxx, which explains why there was only a single size 6 left.  I did ask if they could call around & find another one in a 10 but no joy there.

Ah well. There will be other CUTEST DRESSes.

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7 comments to Vanity, Martha & Common Sense have an argument

  • Lizziemade

    Ah, I think almost everyone's "Common Sense" would sound like their mother … but maybe it's not always a bad thing.
    I love it how you have named that crazy-must-do-it-my-way-and-hang-the-consequences part of your ego "Martha". It's such sensible sort of name (to me anyway – she was the hard-working and sensible sister after all, whereas Mary was the more dreamy and impressionable one). It just makes me sile when you describe your inner struggles as a 3-way battle between Common Sense, Vanity and Martha!
    I hope you do find your perfect dress some time soon (and that it's also $40)!

  • Rinda1961

    I love my boobs – clothes manufacturers hate my boobs. 'nuff said.

  • Carrie/scrapchick

    Arg, they do seem to be the reason a lot goes back on the rack!

  • Andrea @ The Creative Junkie

    I love that dress! But unfortunately, I cannot go sleeveless. My upper arms are just downright scary.

  • Absolutely hilarious – on so many levels. I’m pinning this to our Finding the Funny board on Pinterest. Thanks for linking up to #findingthefunny!

  • I’d never thought to articulate these Shopping Voices like this, but it’s SO TRUE! Currently I’m not speaking to Martha, who decided we could repurpose some old canvases instead of buying art for my living room wall or (thank you, Common Sense) just hanging up some framed art that’s already taking up space in storage. My living room has been an arts and crafts disaster for two weeks.

  • I am so glad you didn’t listen to Martha. That suggestion just would not have worked and you’d have ended up with a strange enlargement but probably not a solution to the boobola dilemma. I too have had many a conversation in the TJMAxx fitting rooms about what I can do to make something fit, but it’s always about decreasing because I am so short. I even convinced myself that a $1 shirt was a good by for the fabric alone in the aisle of Marshall’s. I got it home and it wasn’t ruined as I had suspected, it was just flipped funny on itself. I have had that shirt for like 10 year and have had many a compliment in its time! Sometimes you just need to have those head conversations! And stay away from the shi shi stores where they try to talk to you and make you avoid the head conversations.