Maybe we can get it out of the way now?

I’m thinking Havoc is starting his teen-rebellion-goth-phase a little early.

8 being a little early in my mind.

Havoc wants his ear pierced. Maybe both, maybe just one so he’ll have a non-sore ear to sleep on.

I like that he is considering that his ear will be sore for awhile & ways he might cope with that. Obviously he has put some thought into this.

He wants an axe or a sword or a ninja earring, though he understands he has to wear a basic stud for 6 weeks.

“Boys can have earrings. They are not just for girls.” he tells me.

And I can’t argue with that because it’s true.

One of his male classmates recently had an ear pierced when he went with his teen brother to get his ear done.

Then I came home with grey nail polish and Havoc wanted his nails painted because “Grey is a boy color. Like black. Boys can paint their nails, not just girls.”

And I can’t argue with that because that’s true too.

Boys can also have long hair if they want and some boys even wear EYELINER!

He prefers black or dark clothes. He’s moody & introverted at times.

You see where this is going right?


I’m going to have the only 8 year old goth in primary school.

I painted his nails over the weekend. Mayhem wanted his done too but in the end never found the time to sit still long enough to get them done.

We have not gotten Havoc’s ears pierced yet though. Ear piercing has to happen at the mall & the mall is an hour away & we rarely go to the mall. So even if I said “yes” wholeheartedly, it wouldn’t be happening with alacrity.

I am of the opinion that they are his ears & he is probably old enough to choose whether or not to jam a piece of metal through them & then take care of the resulting wound. He also has to pay for it out of his allowance. I’m not a fan of the idea just because I am the one who will have nag him to clean his ears & the one that will have to deal with the inevitable infections.

DH has not weighed in one way or the other, except to admit that yes, in college, he did have his ear pierced & Mommy gave him some sword earrings once. He also had long hair & occasionally painted his thumbnails black.

Grandma though has some strong opinions about it.

“No way in HELL” being the short form.

Grandma is 71 and in her world view boys do not wear earrings, or nail polish or make up or have long hair. Unless they are in 80’s rock bands and even then, those things are only permissible as ‘stage costuming’ not for wear in everyday life. Only  girls do those things regularly and Grandma already has 2 granddaughters & feels that is enough. Grandma will be ‘so disappointed’ if Havoc gets his ear pierced.

And I’m fairly sure that guilt trip was directed at me every bit as much as at Havoc.

Havoc found this information perplexing, not understanding what his cousins have to do with his having his ear pierced and said he’d make sure not to wear them around the grandparents.

Thus coming early to a conclusion I was 14 before I reached.

“Don’t ask, don’t tell.”

Honestly? If this is a necessary stage in his life, lets get it over now while he is gregarious & oblivious and save me dealing with angsty teenage ‘you don’t understand. I need to be an individual’ BS that will so totally be met with mockery by one or the other of his parents, who have been there & done that.

So Monday I sent him off to school in his black jeans, with his black hoodie and grey nails. If he still had the blue avatar hair from this summer he’d have made quite an impression.


The kids at school laughed about the nail polish but according to Havoc it was the same as when he did tricks on the trampoline to make them laugh.  He didn’t feel teased or anything. He didn’t ask me to remove the polish, which I had been expecting. He still has it on, though it’s all scratched up from playing. He’s decided that is why boys don’t usually wear nail polish.

Boy games are too hard on a manicure.

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20 comments to Maybe we can get it out of the way now?

  • SciFi Dad

    As the former wearer of six earrings and the occasional set of black fingernails, I completely agree with your perspective: let him experiment now, get it out of the way and let him figure it out for himself.

  • Andrea @ The Creative Junkie

    A classic example of picking your battles – it's just not worth fighting over and if it helps him express some creativity, then who cares? Kudos to him for having the guts to do it because I know a lot of kids wouldn't for fear of being teased.

    My eldest has, I think, 6 piercings in her one ear and three in her other, maybe? She started with the multiple piercings when she was thirteen. It wasn't a battle I wanted to fight and it's her ears and hey, I'm just grateful she only wants to pierce her ears at this point.

  • Darcy@Somewhatmuddledmusings

    It's good that he's already so well grounded! That may mean a lot in the upcoming teen angst years!

    My son would be uber-jealous of the Avatar hair, but too chicken to go through with it.

  • Kai

    My son went through the Goth phase for a very, very, VERY long time. I did my best not to "rock" the boat, but there were days, baby, there were days! He, at one point, only painted the fingernails on one of his hands (because he's right handed and when he tried to paint his right hand it messed up all the time) and I told him when he visited my dad (similar in mindset to Havoc's grandma) he had to keep the painted-nails hand in his pocket the whole time. Because I didn't want to grief. Over time, the Goth phase went away. All except the nail polish and eyeliner. My 21-year old son still occasionally wears them both.

  • Michelle Saunderson

    All I gotta say is thank goodness my son is in military school, so this would never come up at my house because it is not allowed at school. I told my kids early on that if they want freaky hair, tatoos, piercings, etc…if they go behind my back and get them I will get the same to match them. All the sudden a mohawk does not have the same appeal if your mom has a matching one…lol.

  • Losingbrownies

    It sounds like he has a ton of self confidence. I don't know personally about the earring. Even if The Boy was The Girl, I wasn't allowed to have my ears pierced until I could take care of them myself, so I think I would follow the same philosophy. I think I had mine done at 12, and they closed up because I was too lazy and didn't get them done again until I was 17. If he can take care of it and you are not fussed by it, then why not?

  • Rinda1961

    You are such a great and wonderful and supporting mom! The world would be a better place if everyone's mom let their kids be kids.

  • Sarah Thacker

    Coming over from SITS from 31DBBB. Your blog is so fun! I love your writing style and so appreciate how you let your child be…HIMSELF.

  • Balinda

    I would be like you and let him try it. My ex on the other hand would die before he would have let our son do this. I guess it's good my boy wasn't interested in anything goth.

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  • The Giveaway Queen

    I think it's really cool that you're so open to all of this. My oldest is 7 and I would LOVE for him to get his ears pirced (sp?) but he's just not into it at all. It already sounds that he's pretty confident in who he is – and at such a young age. Very cool


  • humel

    LIFE is too hard on a manicure in my experience. I envy women who can wear nail polish without it chipping in less that 2 hours (always assuming it dried without smudging and smearing in the first place).

    My The Boy's too much of a wimp to want his ear pierced. He's scared it would hurt. The Girl hasn't even thought of it yet, but I suspect she'll go straight to tattoo when she wants something done. Skull and crossbones, maybe. Or a snake. *sigh*

  • Go Mexico Guide

    I enjoyed reading this post, so funny! You have a great attitude toward this and good for him for already being confident in knowing who he. It's hard to believe he's only 8! :-)

  • Comfy Mom

    yeah I figure it's better to get the experimenting done at 8 & save me the dangerous teen years

  • Comfy Mom

    yeah, that is pretty much what I am thinking. Thank god it's just the ears

  • Comfy Mom

    I really thought Havoc would chicken out of the hair too. I was surprised when he followed through

  • Comfy Mom

    I expect this to be off & on for awhile. I'm just glad he isn't getting any grief for it from his peers

  • Comfy Mom

    yeah, I am mostly waiting to see some proof he'll take care of it. Like maybe by oh…cleaning up after himself without being prompted for a whole week

  • Comfy Mom

    Thank you!

  • Comfy Mom

    Now that I am not changing diapers I love doing my nails. I have 4 tats but I was 30 when I got the first so that's going to be my line "Well, if you still want that when you are 30 I say go for it"